Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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