Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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