even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
