So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
