Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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