i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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