I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
