she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
