I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
