dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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