I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
