The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
