How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
