we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize