I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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