Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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