I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
