I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
