but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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