I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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