I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
