I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
