Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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