census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize