I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
