ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
