On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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