Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize