My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
