I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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