Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
