If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's rum buckets o'clock
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
