this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize