Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're like the curious george of whores
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
