Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
