I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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