Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
