I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
