Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
