Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize