My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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