remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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