My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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