Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
