Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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