it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
