I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize