the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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