Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
