Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
