Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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