I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im holly from the hills drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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