you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
