She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
