Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
