pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
