your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
