There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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