So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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