dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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