i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
