Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize