You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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