Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
