so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
