btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
