I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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