Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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