What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
