Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
