also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
