Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This toilet bowl is my home.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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