yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize