I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize