Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Rumble strips road head = magical
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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