you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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