This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
