guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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