Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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