she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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