the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
