my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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