I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You can't motorboat a personality
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize