While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
