Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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