I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
